Javier
I couldn't predict when my head would hurt. However, with each relapse - and as incredible as it may seem - this pain was my lifeline: it kept me from swimming against the current and brought me home.
For a long time I thought the headache was inopportune. He appeared suddenly, like an unexpected visitor you don't want to receive. I pouted at him, but he didn't care. He came into my life without asking permission, as if he had the keys to the knocker in my head.
Such a relationship did not give the feeling of a good future. Without further ado, my prophecy came true with every step I took.
There were no limits and everything happened. The screams, the anger, the crying, the blows came out, but I didn't touch him, I didn't scratch him. I was ready in the ring, while my opponent: pain, he never faced the front, he hid inside me, and when I tried to attack him it only made my situation worse.
Seeing my hands tied, I decided on a truce.
I started with food. In other words, I tried to smooth things over in the feed. I believed that if I felt pain in my body, I could soothe it with healthier foods. and thus make the pain go away.
You know how it ended. There was no truce, organic and vegan food did not seduce him one millimeter.
The second attempt was mental. I tried to stop bringing old emotions into new experiences. However, I usually ended up overwhelmed, depressed, and heartbroken by the amount of thoughts and interpretations of situations in my life, culminating almost always sitting next to the headache.
With no solutions or expectations, I went through the alternative path of healing. There was nothing to lose, except maybe the headache.
I understood that it was possible to see my life in a different way again, but I didn't know how.
I looked stubborn, tough, and unyielding. In fact, I wouldn't give up, I would overdo it and I wouldn't stop. Since I didn't stop, the headache came to my rescue as my thoughts hurt me. He would stop them with the intensity and duration necessary to disconnect from them and rest.
It was the same thing when I continually fed on junk food. The headache remained firm and did not allow me to continue to intoxicate myself with fried foods, sweets, processed foods and carbohydrates - which only inflamed and fatigued my body - while pushing me to a healthy diet.
Even as I clung to the past, loyalties and expired family contracts, the headache helped me loosen my grip and fall into what was never mine.
Over time, I realized that the headache pointed to a broader view. A vision where responsibility and fun come together, where pleasure and progress are possible. A vision whose harmony and family team are real; where love is present and flourishes.
